One Word: Psoriasuck!

First, I would like to state that this image IS NOT A BUTT. Nor is this image of me. However, this is currently what my entire body does look like. Spots like this cover my ENTIRE body. My ENTIRE body from head to toe. I suffer from Psoriasis. Psoriasis is a chronic disease of the immune system that appears on the skin, usually in the form of thick, red, scaly patches. According to the National Institutes of Health, as many as 7.5 million Americans have psoriasis.

Eczema is often compared to or mistaken for psoriasis and I can tell you that there is NO comparison and people do not understand psoriasis at all. I realize there are some pretty extreme cases of eczema, but overall psoriasis is in a league of its own.

Back in July, I ended up with strep throat. And due to the strep and the breakdown of my immune system, I had a major bought/break out of psoriasis. This has been one of the worst outbreaks to date. My skin is completely covered. Oh did I say that already...well, it is completely accurate and there is no embellishing here. Normally, I have the typical contained patches on my knees and elbows and I have learned to live with it and cope. It's not uncommon for people to joke with me and ask in that insinuating tone: "What have you been doing? Ahhh, been on all fours these days? Damn girl, what have YOU been doing? etc, etc I am sure you catch my drift. But I am good sport and I have a sense of humor. I am no stranger to self deprication and I can laugh at myself. Plus I have been dealing with this for over 17 years now. But this bought has kicked my ass and vanity into the corner.

Talk about great timing. July, middle of the summer, shorts season, tanks, sundresses, skirts - all the things that I love to wear. And now I am afflicted with the most unsightly, painful and gruesome shit all over the place. It looks brutal and it is brutal. I had a really hard time pulling myself up out of the depression. For the first week, I didn't want to leave my house or go to work. This flare up was intense. And wouldn't you know that I also get it on my FACE. My fucking FACE! Apparently it's rare to get it on your face, but rest assured I would be the one to get it there...cuz why not! I am not a vain person, but even this sent me into a tailspin of anxiety, embarassment and just plain depression. It's impossible to cover it up because it's patchy and inflamed. When you try to cover it up with make-up it gets even more irratated and crusty. It inflames more and hurts so bad. It is hard to look people in the eyes and I just wanted to isolate myself. Problem is, the shit takes FOREVER to clear up IF it clears up completely.

As for the rest of my body, it is just plain painful and frustrating. It constantly itches, but then when you itch it you break the patches open, they bleed and then they grow larger. It is very painful. I often compare it to the memory I have of being a kid and playing outside in the snow in jeans. After you are out in the cold for so long and your jeans become completely soaked and the cold penetrates you, and then you chaffe really bad. The painful chaffing times 20! The first couple weeks of the outbreak are the worst. Taking a shower is exremely painful. When the water hits my scalp and body, I bare down and cry. I feel like a burn victim. I remember the pain of having a 3rd degree sunburn and having to treat it with silverdine...I think this is worse. At the very least, they are comparable indeed.

The physical pain is probably the easiest part of this. The mental and emotional pain is at times paralyzing. I hate that I feel so weak to it and I hate that it takes me so low. Trying to stay strong and overcome it every day is one of the biggest challenges. I tell myself that no one cares and I have to have a mental fight in the mirror every morning. But it is just so hard to get over it. My husband is the most supportive and unbelieveable man. Without him and his love, I don't know how I would get through this in a stoic manner. He truly loves me and hurts when I hurt, but he is so strong and encouraging. He takes away all my insecurities and makes me feel beautiful regardless. Because when you love someone with all your heart and unconditionally, as we do, you don't look at your spouse with the same eyes you do everyone else. He has taught me just how much love does trancend so many things in life. He looks at me with his loving eyes and sees me for who I truly am. He sees the beauty in my spirit and soul. Thank you Jeff for being my best friend and getting me through these trying times. I will overcome, as I always do!