Is Living Vicariously Through Your Child Really Wrong?

"While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about."
~Angela Schwindt

My idea of fun has completely changed. Actually, many of my ideas have changed these days. I can't believe I am the same person and have to pinch myself in the mirror sometimes. I am utterly and totally a mother. A rookie mother, no less, but purely a mother. It's 9pm on a Saturday night and I am blogging about my overwhelming feelings and thoughts of being a mother, how much I adore it and how much it has changed me. And this is my idea of a good time now. I spent the entire day with my little guy and we had so much fun. Fun like I have never had before. Fun that provides a huge perma-grin. Fun that runs so deep and the memories will never fade. Hell, that I have memories at all is a giant step.

The last 34 years of my life were spent with many a disjointed memory. Now, I want to take them all in and never forget them. They are in abundance. Everday is a new day with new things to be learned and discovered. I feel like I am a kid again and the joy it brings me to watch my little guy be intrigued and challenged and have so much fun is beyond words. I have heard of the nightmare parents who try to live through their children, push them to accomplish things they never got to do and just pressure them in to doing things they would otherwise not choose. I don't want to be that parent, but I am living vicariously through Max's eyes these days. Is it so wrong? I am seeing life in a new set of eyes and trying to experience with him. Every day is a new adventure because life is so full of things he has yet to do, see, feel or experience. Taking him to parks, zoos and just playing a new game is what it's all about.

I am learning so much about life and myself these days. It is extremely gratifying and such a blessing. Often, when I do actually get out among my friends, I get a great deal of crap if I am not whooping it up. I tend not to drink much anymore as I cherish my Saturday's and Sunday's and can't stand being hung over. Those days are my quality days with Max. I get 2 full days a week to spend with him and I want to enjoy and be ready for anything at any minute. It's what really matters to me, it's what rejuvinates me and motivates me, it's simply my life. So when I am told that I am no fun any more or when attempts are made to pressure me into drinking in excess, I am learning to just stand my ground. Been there, done that for 34 years man. I am on a new path in life. I chose to party and be carefree for many years and it was indeed purposefully. I wanted to be absolutely ready to be focused as a parent. And now I am here and I couldn't be more happy. I am 100% focused and loving every minute of it. Max has made me young all over again and I am completely inspired and blessed abundantly.

Is Summer Just A Blur

Wow! I can't believe I have not updated my blog for this long. Honestly, the days have just been flying by and getting away from me. I just can't believe how fast they go these days and summer is always in high gear.

There are so many things that have been happening and I don't even have the time to write all about them. My baby sister got married last month and her wedding festivities were awesome! The wedding was absolutely stunning and she was a gorgeous bride. I have never seen such a relaxed, easy-going bride. People, this is the key to having a perfect wedding. It was very apparent that she was focused on the important things in a wedding: showing up and marrying the man she loves. All else was just unnecessary details to her. The day was perfect, everything was unbelievable and I was so impressed. I have such a new-found respect and admiration for her and her husband. If they play out the marriage as they did their wedding, they will be blissfully happy and relaxed forever.

Max is growing like a weed. It is hard watching him transition from my baby to my little boy. But it is happening right before my eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Now we really have to censor our words and behavior, as he is an astute observer of life. He is very focused and determined and has a knack for figuring things out. How things work, what they are made of, the function of parts, etc. So often, I find him doing things that we never showed him directly how to do. He just watches us and then does things. For example, the other day I look over at him and he has my keys and is stretching up to put them in the door lock. Since I have no other children of my own to compare him to... he is brilliant!

Of course we all think are kids are so smart, but I am pretty sure this kid is a little ahead of the game. At his 15 month doctor's appointment, we where sharing all the words he says and knows and all the things he does. The pediatrician was amazed and said that these are things that a 2 year old appointment usually entails. Jeff and I were like: He has been saying and doing these things for a WHILE now (huh huh - blowing on our fist and rubbing it on the chest)...but I digress.

This summer has been just a blur in regards to time. We have done so many things and been all over the place, and yet I feel like the summer hasn't actually started. People tell me that this is just the beginning of the blur of time! I now must focus on getting this all down. My memory fails me more and more. That was the intention of blogging for me: to keep an online journal of all the activities, milestones, events and thoughts that occur. If I keep at this pace, I will have no fond memories to reflect on. It will all be gone, much like this summmer!