A Mommy Moment

Standing in my kitchen, doing the mommy sway with my Millie asleep in my arms, I was thanking the Lord for all the blessings he has bestowed me.  I am distracted by the hum of the lawnmower, and I know that can only mean one thing:  Max and daddy are out for a spin and doing some work.  I always love to watch them together, so I walked over to the sliding glass door to take a peek.  As I watched them, I started to tear up while thanking God.  Jeff has been in angst over the state of our barren lot and he is always stressing over what needs to be done.  But when I looked out, I saw the most wonderful man taking the time to show his son how to properly swing a golf club.  Minutes later, he picked his rake back up and diligently got back to work.

This speaks so deeply to my heart.  We need to take the time and make the time to be with our children.  Really BE with them.  No one ever said that was easy, especially these days where the name of the game is better, faster, first.  I stood there and just watched them and it made my heart sing.  There is something so amazing about watching a father and son.  Max adores his daddy and wants to do everything like him and with him.  That is power.  Power that should not be trifled with.  Power that deserves the utmost respect.  Power that is long-lasting, long after you are gone.  It was once said by P.D. James, "What a child doesn't receive, he can seldom later give."  We all know that to be true.  We just say it and feel it in different ways. 

Children need unconditional love, time and discipline.  The discipline part is VERY hard, but oh SO very necessary to instill respect.  Respect is what thrives deep within them and respect is what will come back to them.  We shouldn't be so focused on teaching self-esteem, what we should be focused on is self-respect.  Self-respect is not self-centered.  It does not create a sense of entitlement or ego.  Self-respect is something that continues to give to the child, even in times of challenge and adversity.  And we know all children will go through things.  They must be prepared for that and not coddled and sheltered from it.  I think many forget that trials can not be avoided and if handled in the best way, will make you a stronger person with great character and faith.  As Victor Hugo stated:  "Joy's smile is much more close to tears than it is to laughter."  This is the balance of life. 

It is impossible to feel true joy and happiness at their heights if you have never experience the polar opposite emotions at their depths.  Trials, adversity, challenges, problem-solving, hurt feelings, not winning all the time; these are the situations that form children into the adults they will become.  The kind of people that you want to be around or keep in your company.  The kind of people that give to the world.  The kind of people who work hard and respect people, the earth and things around them.  The kind of people that don't take simple pleasures for granted.  The kind of people that are thankful for their jobs/careers and give their all to it, not expecting that the job/employer owes them.  The kind of people who cherish their elders and heed their words, as they know the experiences they have had in life.  The kind of people who can effectively communicate to those around them with listening first and then engaging.  The kind of people that would give their parents great joy and pride, no matter what they end up doing in life.

I guess it really is true:  what comes around, goes around.  Daily life can take it's toll and it's so easy to forget and just surrender to your emotions in the moment.  This has caused much angst in my life, as I am a very reactive person.  I have never had the gift of taking a deep breath and logically thinking about the situation before responding.  You might say, I suffer from verbal diarrhea often.  But I try to renew my mind every day with the Lord so that I can remember to have patience and wisdom to deal with all that comes my way for that day.  Every day is a new day and thank goodness children are so forgiving.  All they really want is your guidance and love.  Both of these things take time.  I am learning to give it every day.

Are Kids Heaven Sent?

"I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring." ~Liz Armbruster

Children are amazing little lights. They are so pure and innocent and their sheer curiousity can stump a wise man. What is truly beautiful to learn, is their pureness of hearts and faith. They believe. They believe before they even know of anything else. This is how I wish that I could be and this is what I will use to remind myself daily to keep my faith strong.

So many people have given such great advice, but one that firmly holds true is the fact that they are little "sponges". They are constantly in a state of learning and observing. They are forming their behavoirs based on what they see all around them. We need to take this reponsibility as parents and paste it on our foreheads. It is so easy to react. With all the pressures and obstacles of daily life, it is so easy to forget that you have this little angel watching your every move, all your reactions and hearing all your words. It is such a big responsibility and it is becoming more apparent to me every day. But what I need is the constant reminder of that. Do you think my husband will let me make signs for our foreheads with that on it? I need it in my face. I forget. I have a lot of years of bad habits to break!

But remembering this is becoming easier for me because I have truly realized that God gave me the most awesome gift. He gave me a little angel to care for. One that bonds my husband and I together like I never imagined. One that He entrusted to us to guide, protect, love and cherish. I now know what His unconditional love is all about. It is free flowing from me and I apply it to everyone, now that I know what it really is. I thank Him every day for giving us our little angel and for opening up my eyes, heart and spirit to the love and lessons that parenting is teaching me.

Max is totally unencumbered by life. He is completely open to love and trusting in his loved ones. That is a big lesson in itself. One of the sweetest examples of this happened on our way home yesterday. I was telling Max all about holidays and I was sharing the story of Christmas. As I was telling him about Santa Claus and presents I said to him: "But the most important thing about Christmas is that it is Jesus' birthday. It's the day he came to this earth to teach us how to be loving, compassionate servants to all." And just as I finished that sentence, I looked in the rear view mirror and he said: "Amen". That moment was priceless. It's like he knew exactly what I was talking about. I got a little tear and said "Amen is right".

This is how I know he was sent direct express to me from God. He is not the only one learning lessons in life, he is also a teacher. This little boy's light is definately shining and he is helping me keeping mine out and not under those damn bushels!

Is Living Vicariously Through Your Child Really Wrong?

"While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about."
~Angela Schwindt

My idea of fun has completely changed. Actually, many of my ideas have changed these days. I can't believe I am the same person and have to pinch myself in the mirror sometimes. I am utterly and totally a mother. A rookie mother, no less, but purely a mother. It's 9pm on a Saturday night and I am blogging about my overwhelming feelings and thoughts of being a mother, how much I adore it and how much it has changed me. And this is my idea of a good time now. I spent the entire day with my little guy and we had so much fun. Fun like I have never had before. Fun that provides a huge perma-grin. Fun that runs so deep and the memories will never fade. Hell, that I have memories at all is a giant step.

The last 34 years of my life were spent with many a disjointed memory. Now, I want to take them all in and never forget them. They are in abundance. Everday is a new day with new things to be learned and discovered. I feel like I am a kid again and the joy it brings me to watch my little guy be intrigued and challenged and have so much fun is beyond words. I have heard of the nightmare parents who try to live through their children, push them to accomplish things they never got to do and just pressure them in to doing things they would otherwise not choose. I don't want to be that parent, but I am living vicariously through Max's eyes these days. Is it so wrong? I am seeing life in a new set of eyes and trying to experience with him. Every day is a new adventure because life is so full of things he has yet to do, see, feel or experience. Taking him to parks, zoos and just playing a new game is what it's all about.

I am learning so much about life and myself these days. It is extremely gratifying and such a blessing. Often, when I do actually get out among my friends, I get a great deal of crap if I am not whooping it up. I tend not to drink much anymore as I cherish my Saturday's and Sunday's and can't stand being hung over. Those days are my quality days with Max. I get 2 full days a week to spend with him and I want to enjoy and be ready for anything at any minute. It's what really matters to me, it's what rejuvinates me and motivates me, it's simply my life. So when I am told that I am no fun any more or when attempts are made to pressure me into drinking in excess, I am learning to just stand my ground. Been there, done that for 34 years man. I am on a new path in life. I chose to party and be carefree for many years and it was indeed purposefully. I wanted to be absolutely ready to be focused as a parent. And now I am here and I couldn't be more happy. I am 100% focused and loving every minute of it. Max has made me young all over again and I am completely inspired and blessed abundantly.