Such A Helpless Feeling

I don't think I have ever felt more helpless than when my little sweet pea is sick. I now know what my mom meant when she used to say she wished she could take the pain away for us. Sweet pea has been running a fever for the last 3 days now. I thought it was just teething and I am still not sure that it isn't, but the poor boy hit a low wrung on the activity ladder today. He was just not himself and didn't even fully enjoy being outside!

After speaking with my sister Missy, my trusty all-things baby guru, I felt a little better about my course of action on caring for the pea. But as the day progressed, his demeanor and attitude just kept declining. He just wanted to be in my arms all day, and as much as I love that, it is a little difficult to get even a couple things done. Realizing that these days don't occur too often for the pea, I sucked it up and embraced my chance at being his micro-Florence Nightingale for the day. I coddled, cuddled and rocked. I administered constant fluids and read many stories over and over. I hugged and kissed and loved. I gave him 2 baths and spoiled him rotten.

The poor thing was just so whiny and beside himself and his discomfort was so apparent. I just felt so bad for him and wished that I could do more for him. It was hard grappling with that feeling of helplessness. Just letting him ride it out is so tough. The want and need to do more is just so natural. Accepting the fact that I was doing all that I could do for him was a bit of a challenge for me. This is one of the first times that I just had to sit back and do all that I could do for him but I could not make it go away, I could not make it all better.

I suspect that this is just the beginning of these feelings, but I hope I learn to cope better. Being a novice is just so hard to deal with when it's your little peanut relying on you. It sets my mind racing. Thinking of people like my cousin who is currently dealing with her baby having ALL, I have tried so often to put myself in her shoes and frankly I just can't. I have empathy but I just can't even begin to understand what that might be like on a daily basis. The strength and courage she displays is amazing and she even manages to help others get through their own trials with her candor. It's truly something to behold.

The feeling of helplessness is a realitively new one for me and I am not a fan. Please Lord give us all the strength!