Do Triple Bypasses Scare The Hell Out Of You?

"Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

That quote is a good one to remember but a hard one to master.  I think it is the most difficult thing to try and mask your fears around the ones you love.  Fear lives in the eyes and conquers your reflexive abilities to control them.  It is impossible to contain that emotion from your eyes. 

Recently, my blessed father-in-law, had a triple bypass.  It was a miracle that it was caught just in time, as his main artery had 95% blockage and two others were about 60%.  We are so thankful that the Lord interceded just in time and Jim listened and went in.  There are not enough words to describe the great man that he is, but picture the best grandfather in the world and he does and is all those things and then some.  He has filled a void in my life and I have had a father again for the last few years.   So when we got the news that he needed this procedure, we were in shock.

Being strong for Jeff was my first instinct but admittedly, I was scared.  I tried to find the right comforting words, I tried to seem like it was no big deal and his dad was going to be just fine.  It was not easy.  But that is what you do for the ones you love.  You become their support in which ever way they need you.  Sometimes it's hard to know which form of support you need to be:  the listenter, the hugger, the positive outlook, the realist, the comforter, the talker.  And that form of support always changes in the moment. 

It's also hard to know when to be the right kind of support that person needs.  Coming from different families makes it challenging because I know what I would want, but that is not necessarily what Jeff wants...as I am learning.  I just want to be what ever he needs but I react with intentions of what I would want.  That is not always the same.  When you are internally frightened, it is so hard to hide that and figure out what the other person needs.  This is why communication is key and I am figuring that out.  I used to be a very closed person when it came to my feelings. 

I have had a few years under my belt perfecting the art of "pushing" things down deep inside.  And they always have a way of manifesting themselves.  Whether that is hard partying, making bad decisions, seeking comfort with the wrong people and just plain physical ailments.  I have experience with that said list and I know there is more that I can't remember.  But what I am learning every day is how to communicate with the one that I am deeply in love with.  It is not always easy, but he has help me overcome so many things and one of them is fear.  Fear of love and fear of losing ones you love.  Because of God and Jeff, I am over those fears and have been able to move on with my life and experience the unconditional love that God has for us.  But there are many fears that still like to linger around and try to destroy you.  And for those fears I pray tand give them over to God.  I can't take them on and I have finally become accustomed to living outside of fear.  So I choose to do so.  It is a daily struggle and it takes a great deal of strength sometimes.  Especially when you are faced with a triple bypass and seeing your husband in fear.  But I dig deep for courage and try to be what he needs in the ever changing landscape of dealing with such a serious procedure in your family.

I am happy to report a happy ending.  My father-in-law came through the procedure perfectly and his recovery has been tremendous.  He is a very strong and healthy man with a great deal of fiestiness on his side.  We are so thankful to the Lord right now and are continuing to pray for a speedy recovery so Jim can continue his life's journey.

The Beauty Of Grandparents

Max is so blessed to have the best grandparents in the world. I often think of mine and how great they were and how much I miss them dearly. It's funny to think that I don't have any grandparents anymore and Jeff never really knew his at all.

Grandparents are the best gift in the world and they are so cherished. I loved going to visit them and I would never want to leave their house(s). They were so enthused to see us and they always had treats, cool, new things to play with and so much love and attention.

I am so thankful for grandpa Jim. He is the coolest gramps on the scene. As you can see from the video, he gets down on the floor and plays with Max every time we come over to visit. They have so much fun and Max is always watching gramps and his every move. He is so hands-on and you can see that he loves to be a kid himself. He loves to tease Max and the rest of his grandkids and he is a big jokester. We can always rely on him for the funniest Christmas gifts to all of the kids.

Sometimes when I watch them play together, I get a little choked up thinking about my dad and what he would be like with Max. My dad always wanted a son and he ended up with 4 daughters! Now the second generation is all boys. Oh the irony of life! I like to believe, and I almost know for certain, that he would never put his nephews down and he would have so much fun with them. I know he is watching over all of us and he couldn't be more proud. He was one of the biggest "kids" and I know he would have had so much fun playing with these boys.

Sometimes I see him in Max. He has the same ears that point out at the top and he seems to have some of his little mannerisms emerging. I have a feeling that he is going to a bit of a tease like my dad was. He already has a little naughty streak that pops out from time to time. I like to just sit back and watch Max play and I will see how intense he can be when trying to figure something out. That was my dad.

There is such joy and happiness when I watch Max with his grandparents. They all treat him so special and give him so many different things. I am just starting to realize how great it is to being a parent, but I can't imagine the fulfillment of being a grandparent.

"Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children." ~Alex Haley