Wednesday, April 27, 2011
My Precious Miss Millie D
She was a force to be reckoned with from that point. After being 2 weeks overdue, my doctor finally said it was time to do a C-section at 7:30am on December 1st, and he had no arguments from me. I had hoped for a VBAC but she was so stubborn. I was mentally prepared to just go in and have the C-section, not thinking about a VBAC AT ALL...I was DONE being pregnant! I went home from my appointment that morning with the resolve that I was going to have my baby in the morning FINALLY.
Well, wouldn't you know it, at midnight that evening I woke up in labor. Of course I did. This baby was taking me on a ride and she wasn't even out yet! I started timing the contractions and thought that I could sleep through them. Well, they came on strong and pretty fast and I thought it was best that I call the hospital to see what they thought. They told us to come on in and I told Jeff we really needed to go. I could see the fear in his eyes and I knew he was praying to God to get me to the hospital in time. I tried to calm and reassure him that I was not going to have a baby in the car. My only focus was to get to the hospital in time to get an epidural. If I was going to have a VBAC, I was NOT doing it without the epidural. Especially when I was already in the kind of pain I was.
We arrived at the hospital around 3am and things were really rolling now. This experience was totally different than my first. The nurse saw that I initially wanted a VBAC and I told her that I wasn't too sure about that after all. I was not mentally prepared for this. I was prepared for the C-section. Was this my sign from God that I was going to get this experience after all or was this baby just messing with me? I was totally freaked out by the pain and all the things that were happening. I was expelling things and all of them were green...I was completely unprepared for mucus plugs, meconium, water breaking and puking hard-core. Fast forward a couple of hours and I was in complete, earth-shattering pain still puking and NO epidural. At this point, I was not really sure why I hadn't got the epidural but the only thing I could pin it on was the bitchy "au naturale" prescribing nurse. She wanted to know my decision on C-section or no C-section. This was tough for me. Instinct told me to do the C-section, but at that time I wasn't sure if I was just wussing out. I really wanted to have the vaginal experience, as I believe that is something amazing and special and be the best mom I could be. I was in tears. Jeff was a wonderful support to me and it didn't take that long to decide to stick with the C-section after he encouraged me to go with my gut.
So, time stood still and my pain and agony progressed. Things are a bit of a blur until they put me on the bed to wheel me down to the OR. My dear friend Renee was my nurse and thank God for her and her calming spirit, which had no real affect on me. I was screaming so loud and hard that the nurse wheeling me down said: "Ericka, you need to work through this, you are scarring our other patients." UMMMMM, F*** You lady! Of course, I know I am one of the loudest people but I could not control it. And I would have felt bad if I had been swearing like I normally do. But I was in such a state, I was screaming for my "Mommy" all the way. Poor husband of mine...he was mortified!
Long story short, I am glad I went with my gut because my little peanut had the cord wrapped around her neck nice and snug three times. I would have ended up with the C-section anyway. And the extreme pain I had could be contributed to a very thin uterus where my first C-section incision was...so I could have had a uterine ruption. Whew, crisis one and two averted.
But when they pulled my little Millie out, all they could say was how precious she was. They all joked that I should name her precious because she was so precious. And truly she was just beautiful and perfect. She was just a tiny little thing but she had these lashes that curled up over her brows. They reminded me of the little doe Clarice in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer movie. One look at her and it was all gone - ALL of it.
I should have known what a different baby she would be and I am thankful that she is. She is a very busy little girl and she likes to control situations already, but she is so sweet and funny. Her demeanour is very determined and precocious. She likes to be engaged and she is very strong. She is also very challenging at times and I should have known this from the very start!